We decided to get into the holiday spirit, and help Santa with his list since he’s probably forgetful now that he’s 1,852 years old. Plus we know he checks Doin Work regularly, and if he isn’t listening to our advice, it’s probably the Santa at Macy’s that drank himself into blurry vision that is reading our regular visitor instead.
Randy Moss – traded twice in one season, some say due to the bad mouth and worse attitude he has decided to display in the twilight of his career
What Randy wants for Xmas – A few more TDs to pad his career stats, another trip to the Pro Bowl to lock up a first ballot HOF vote, and I maybe a SB win, but that’s a team thing so maybe not.
What Randy gets from Santa – the first two 0 target games of his career, a suit case that doesn’t need unpacking, and apparently bad Mexican food in Minny.
What DJ wants for Xmas – More accuracy with that canon driver he has, or maybe the sense to use his 3 wood more often since he hits that 300 yards easy.
What DJ gets from Santa – Lessons learned the hard way for the talented 26 year old, a top 5 on the money list, a top 15 in world rankings, $4.5M in earnings and a RULE BOOK with the bunker section highlighted.
Francisco Rodriguez – Assaulting your father-in-law in front of a crowd children and women.
What Frankie wants for Xmas– His pitching arm to heal and reach the 90 MPH range again after injuring the arm throwing heymakers at the father-in-law.
What Frankie gets from Santa – A trip back to the Domincan with no paycheck from the Mets.
Floyd Mayweather – Beating his girlfriend for the umpteenth time.
What Floyd wants for Xmas – for people to take his rants seriously that he is the best pound for pound fighter.
Josh McDaniels – Cheating and setting the Broncos back for a decade through bad trades and bad draft picks.
What Josh wants for Xmas – To be in control of an NFL team.
What Josh gets from Santa – A new video camera so he can spy on what real coaches do. Real Spy vs. Spy kind of stuff.
Albert Haynesworth – Whining, pouting, and quitting on his team.
What Albert wants for Xmas – A new team and an even bigger contract.
What Albert gets from Santa – Whatever portion of his contract is guaranteed and one way ticket out of Washington.
What Cam wants for Xmas – For the allegations to go away.
What Cam gets from Santa – A spot for his Heisman trophy on the mantle right next to Reggie Bush’s.
Steve Johnson – Blaming god for dropping a game winning touchdown versus Pittsburgh.
What Steve wants for X-mas – Some super sticky football gloves … or a new set of hands.
What Steve gets from Santa – A reminder that the Bills suck. Who cares if you dropped that pass.
What Tony wants for X-mas – To get traded to L.A. to play alongside Kobe (and his wife).
What Tony gets from Santa – Delonte West traded to the Spurs.
The San Francisco Giants – this was definitely not the year the Giants were to win the World Series, but behind strong pitching and timely play from their vets, they ended the torture
What they want from Xmas – Nothing at this point: the people of San Francisco are flying high, led by the band-wagoners. A solid SS and an big bat for the OF would be great additions. Getting rid of Barry Zito’s contract would be nice.
What they get from Santa – A World Series trophy that doesn’t say NY in front of Giants. They keep starting pitching that is so young and way too good to believe, and partying through March 30th 2011.
What GMac wants for Xmas – for 2011 to never come, 2010 continues until the end of time (or at least he hits the age of 50)
What GMac gets from Santa– Memories to last a lifetime: 4 wins worldwide including the US Open at Pebble ,a come from behind win head-to-head against Tiger in house backyard, as well as a Ryder Cup victory earned with his match point.
Armando Gallaraga – He was robbed of a perfect game and had to get 28 outs of perfection.
What Armando wants – to see instant replay put in baseball for crucial calls because the games are already long enough you may as well have the right outcome.
What Armando gets from Santa – Nothing, nice guys finish last.
Josh Hamilton – This years AL MVP stayed clean, and gave hope for addicts across the country.
What Josh wants – to keep staying sober with his manager
What Josh gets from Santa – A contract with the Cowboys, because that’s the only way to be relevant in Texas.
What Ron wants – To finally understand the Triangle offense he still can’t figure out.
What Ron Gets from Santa- Invited to sing on a rap Christmas CD.
Joe Johnson – Amid the summer of betrayal, JJ stayed loyal to his team and fans and stayed in Atlanta.
What Joe wants for Xmas – Postseason success
What Joe gets from Santa – Elbow surgery and his lowest scoring average since becoming a Hawk in 2005.
What Dallas wants for Xmas – Some run support.
What Dallas gets from Santa – An aging Hideki Matsui, and the fourth spot in a rotation full of little kids.
Ben Roethlisberger – He stopped raping girls.
What Big Ben wants for X-mas – For the public to like him again.
What Big Ben gets from Santa – Brett Favre and Randy Moss. By default, people like him again.
What Team U.S.A. wants for X-mas – For their great 2010-2011 NBA seasons’ to continue. Tyson Chandler, Stephen Curry (when healthy), Kevin Durant, Rudy Gay, Eric Gordon, Kevin Love, Lamar Odom, Derrick Rose & Russell Westbrook … in fact pretty much everyone who laced them up for the red, white and blue is having a stellar season.
What Team U.S.A. gets from Santa – Bumped off the roster for the likes of LeBron James and company in the 2012 Olympics. Sometimes Santa can be a jerk.