Monthly Archives: February 2012

Seth Rogan’s Opening Monologue

I’d never even heard of the Independent Spirit Awards, but apparently they exist, and are important enough to garner getting some stars to attend. I pretty much can’t stand any award show these days, but almost always enjoy the opening monologues. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy someone poking fun at all the people about to receive awards and even the award show itself. If you watched the Oscars last night you were probably disappointed by Billy Crystal’s opening monologue, I know I sure was. Maybe it was because Billy couldn’t cuss on national TV, so it came out dry. Let’s face it though, Seth is funnier than Billy.

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Manny, Steroids, and the NFL Combine

If you didn’t know, Manny packed up his estrogen and brought it to Oakland. The hysteria has swept over Oakland’s Spring Training in Arizona since he arrived Friday morning. I’m not sure if the bearded lady is a sideshow or the main attraction yet, but it’s become clear that the players are having fun with it using Mannyisms in their interviews whenever possible. I’m not sure why some people think it’s a terrible signing when he’s only making a prorated $333K after he serves his 50 game suspension. If he sucks, so what, they can just cut him. If he’s a cancer to the team, let’s face it, they probably aren’t finishing higher than 3rd in the AL West anyways. At the moment, I’d much rather watch Manny strikeout swinging as hard as he can than see someone else tap out on a weak grounder to the pitcher. If I thought the A’s were a contender, then maybe I’d be angry he’s taking atbats away from someone else, but at the moment that’s just a silly thought, so let’s see what the bearded lady can bring to the circus that is Oakland these days! The circus has for a moment taken over whatever the Giants are doing right now, so for a day or two at least Oakland is in the headlines over the Giants…

Lord knows I’ve never cared about players doing steroids, and if I did, I’d probably have to condemn my favorite A’s teams with the bash brothers or even more recent versions with Giambi and Tejada. When I heard about Ryan Braun’s negative test, I didn’t bat an eyelash. When his ruling was overturned, I didn’t bat an eyelash. When I heard Braun’s prepared statement, I felt like it was Rafael Palmiero waving his finger at me again, but didn’t truly care what his message was or what others thought of him. Whether he’s innocent or guilty, it’s obvious something happened that wasn’t right. The whole steroid era is overblown. It’ not like crappy players were all of a sudden good because they took steroids, they may have become average, but never great. The great players might be able to enhance their longevity a little, but who cares. I don’t watch games worried about who is using and who isn’t. I watch it to be entertained, and if PED’s end up being a part of that entertainment so be it. Hell, I don’t even care what message it sends to kids. Call me heartless, but if parents don’t instill to their kids that cheating is wrong, then they’re probably not that good parents to begin with. It comes down to a life choice for each athlete, and it should be their choice since they know the repercussions in the media and on the field.

I never watch the NFL combine (since I try to have a life), I’ve always felt it’s sole purpose was to keep NFL fans entertained with something during the off-season while players are poked and prodded in their underwear. Maybe if they had pads on doing some of the workouts would make more sense to me, but they choose underwear instead. As a Raiders fan during the Al Davis era you always had to look at the numbers coming out of the combine, because whoever had the fastest 40 time or could bench the most would most likely end up on our team at some point. Now that he’s gone and we only have two draft picks, I have zero reason to care what’s happening. The only thing that I really do think matters is their wonder-lick scores. No, I don’t really care if a player gets average or high scores, but I’d stay away from any player that scored low on the test, because it’s made for elemetary school kids. Other than that, look at film and call it good with making your picks.


Kenny Powers Taking You Into The Weekend

I’m pretty impressed with K-Swiss and how they’ve kept this ad campaign going. Most companies seem to stray from controversial people like Powers, but K-Swiss embraced him, and let Danny McBride and Jody Hill run with it no matter how controversial it happens to be. Then again, I did just watch, and made you watch a 5 minute commercial, so I guess they won a little there. I doubt I’ll buy a pair of K-Swiss shoes anytime soon, but they got me considering them at the moment the next time I get some running shoes. It’s tough to pick out a favorite part, but three stood out. The fact he was dressed like Steve Jobs is classic, watching Patrick Willis tackle a cheetah, and KP interviewing Bruce Lee. Have a great weekend everyone!


Kid Calling Out Lebron

Couldn’t have said it better myself kid. One point he failed to mention is that the dunk contest rules have now changed, so instead of having to think up six dunks for two rounds, they now only have to think up three dunks in a one round winner take all format voted on by fans. With only one round, I have to think one wouldn’t have to expend as much energy and is another reason I don’t understand why Blake Griffin isn’t going to try and defend his title. Blake said he was exhausted after last years all-star break,  but with less to do to defend his title you have to wonder why he wouldn’t give it a go.


Lin on Me

Naturally any song that can combine Jeremy Lin and Sprewell will get my attention, and this wasn’t the exception to the rule. I know I’ve posted a couple times already about the Asian persuasion, but couldn’t resist putting up one more on him, and I’ll stop it now for awhile! Oh and SNL opened their show with a pun on the Lin puns too if you missed it here’s the link.


Bobcats Season Summed Up In One Play

When I first saw this play, I actually didn’t even think it was a turnover, but after rewinding it he obviously threw it to the wrong team. The second thing that jumped out was Corey Maggette passed the ball!?! I guess there’s a first time for everything! I don’t think I’ve seen a pass that bad in a pick up game let alone in an NBA game. To say the Bobcats have had a disappointing season so far is an understatement. This play couldn’t be a more perfect way summing up their season. As of today, they have 3 total wins, and New Orleans at 6 wins on the season may just have an insurmountable lead on them for the right to the highest percentage of ping pong balls. Granted they’ve had a ton of injuries, but this is a disaster in Charlotte.

 


Jeremy Lin Valentine Day’s Cards

I know I know, two posts in a row on Lin, but how can I resist the Asian sensation… Over the past decade I’ve slowly thought that Valentines Day is a kids holiday more so than a Hallmark Holiday, because honestly that’s the only time I can think of when I actually liked it. When I was 5-8 years old, I remember worrying about what cards to give to what girl. Fastforward to the double digit years, and it all felt like more of a hassle than anything. Anyways, the Lin phenomenon continues tonight as the Knicks take on the Raptors with the return of Amare. I honestly don’t see Lin slowing down, and even if he does a little, it doesn’t matter if they keep winning. Today Funny or Die came up with some Valentine’s Day cards dedicated to the Linja himself for people to give to a loved one, since his name is so easy to make into other words I couldn’t resist posting them…

 


Yellow Mamba

If you haven’t heard of Jeremy Lin by now, you’re probably not a basketball fan. The Harvard grad, turned D-leaguer, turned Warriors back-up PG, turned Knicks starting PG has been the talk of the league over the week. Back in early 2010, Jeremy Lin burst onto the scene in the Summer League scorching John Wall over and over. To say Mceezy and I were excited when he joined the Warriors that 2010 summer was an understatement not that we expected him to do much, but just the fact that he made the team was impressive. I’m surprised it took me this long to write about him since I did try buy his jersey for my girlfriend who’s last name happens to be Lin, and her parents are also from Taiwan, but never did because I didn’t think he’d make it. He sure showed me!

I always had my doubts about him, but he is proving to everyone that he does belong in the league. I think the biggest thing is people don’t expect an Asian kid from a Ivy league school to succeed in somewhat of a racial profiling, but he sure is. It’s rare that Asian’s are the big news in the sports world, and for a week I didn’t have to go to Weird Asian News to get my fix. It feels like when Tiger broke into the “white” golfing world. Lin is breaking into the “black” basketball world. Would he get any press if he wasn’t Asian? I doubt it.

Whether he has lasting power or not remains to be seen, but you have to believe he’s going to keep the starting job for awhile based on how bad Douglas and Shumpert have been in the same starting role. It’s not that he’s just starting it’s that he’s lighting up his opponents.  Even though he played the Nets, Jazz, and Wizards, he did face two solid point guards in Wall and Williams, and still put up impressive numbers. Sure, the devils advocate would say he let Wall and Deron go off, but D’antoni never cared about defense anyways, and in the end the Knicks are 3-0 when he plays over 25 minutes.

When I watched him play twice this week he reminded me of someone like Jose Calderon or Andre Miller. Most of Lin’s moves are fairly predictable, but he takes advantage of what you give him. If it’s an open lane, he’ll drive and won’t shy away from the contact. If someone is open, he makes the pass in a not so flashy way, basically making the “smart basketball play”. It’s strange because you shouldn’t be overly scared to face him, but at the same time you can’t sleep on him either or he’ll make you pay. He still needs to work on his jumper, but it’s amazing he’s hitting over 50% of his shots from the field. Should be fun to see the Yellow Mamba take on the Black Mamba tonight to see if he can keep it up!


Pebble Beach Stories Part VI: Tiger Woods

I’m not sure why, but I seem to forget about keeping the Pebble Beach Stories series going until it gets close to the AT&T or any event at Pebble Beach. Anyways, Tiger never came to the AT&T Pro-Am during the three years I was working there for the event. He went the year before I started working at Pebble (2002), and I always hoped he’d change his mind so I could see the legend in the making play live, but it never happened. In honor of his first entry into the AT&T since 2002, I figured it was a good time to dust off the one and only Tiger story I have, but unlike Stevie Williams and Hank Haney, I’m not going to be making money on it.

From the first time I mentioned Tiger to co-workers they would all grumble something that ended with I hate that guy. They’d regroup and say he’s a ridiculously good golfer, but just not a good human being. After asking numerous people why he wasn’t a favorite like Phil, Davis Love III, Jonathan Byrd, or even Dustin Johnson, they all seemed to point to the fact that he was a bad tipper, or that he bitched about everything.

There was one time he did come to Pebble Beach while I was working there, and it was for an EA sports party when they were doing promo stuff for his video game, and from that point on in 2004, I didn’t like the guy much either. I tried to make some small talk with him asking him about his hotel stay and where he’d eaten in around town to maybe give him some recommendations or something like that. He flat out ignored me like I didn’t exist. Now, I could understand if he was doing something like talking on the phone or signing an autograph for someone, but he was just hanging out in front of the pro shop with nobody else but a group that just came of the 18th hanging around. I rattled off at least 30 seconds of chat, but was apparently talking to myself. Maybe it was the crappy weather that day or maybe he couldn’t stand getting a fat paycheck for putting his ugly mug on the cover of EA’s golf game, but he could at least acknowledge my existence with more than a head nod. I guess I wasn’t important enough for him to acknowledge my existence. I’m not one to get star struck especially after meeting lots of celebrities and athletes during my time there, but he might have been the rudest of all I met by simply ignoring me. My new theory on maybe why he ignored me in the post Tiger scandal is that maybe one of the girls he was a sugar daddy for extorted him for the money he just made on the EA game.

Whatever the case, I asked our head golf pro and the assistant golf pro what was up with Tiger, because he seemed so cold and was basically the opposite of Phil to the point that it seemed like it would physically hurt him if he smiled, and he wasn’t even there to play golf! They didn’t seem to know or really care that much, but what they did tell me was you’ll probably never see him at the AT&T Pro-Am, which makes it even more remarkable he’s playing this weekend at Pebble when it’s not for the US Open. Curious, I had to ask why.

Chuck (the head golf pro) gave me a couple of answers, both of which made some sense.

First he told me that Tiger doesn’t like the greens at Pebble or really any public course because they get too much play and thinks they’re too bumpy. I was taken back by this answer, because aside from the pace of play, I’d never heard anyone complain about the courses features at Pebble unless of course they plugged the greens, but there’s no chance Tiger ever played after they plugged the course, because they’d never want that shown on TV or have the pros complain.

The second thing he told me which made a lot more sense was he didn’t like playing with amateurs. They play slow, and usually shank more shots than hit good ones. Today they aired a little interview with Tiger on ESPN talking about his celebrity playing partner this weekend, Tony Romo. Tiger went on to say Tony had been texting him relentlessly asking about how low he needed to shoot, and what he could do to work on his swing that made me crack up just thinking of the way Tiger probably responded. I’m almost positive Romo recieved no advice, and was probably annoyed by the onslaught of texts from someone that wasn’t going to be a one night stand.

Maybe he’s a better man close to a decade removed from when I met him, but it’s still the main reason to this day that I don’t root for him to succeed.


Wednesday Video Mania

On Monday night Conan showed what his Super Bowl correspondent, Billy Eichner, did during the game, which was find out the all important questions of what people thought of Madonna and other celebrities in the area.  It was quality comedy, including some of the reactions from the players.

The second video I ran across was one that showed if the roles were reversed in the bar scene as in, what if men were women and women were men…

Last but not least, if you aren’t into the whole comedy theme and wanted some sports, there’s 7’5″ HS junior Mamadou Ndaiye playing in my old stomping grounds, Huntington Beach, that might just become a pro one day if he gets a little growth spurt! Not sure how he’d do against players over 6 feet tall, but you can never teach height!


Stanley’s Super Sunday

Leading up to the kickoff for the Super Bowl there was a golf tournament going on out in Phoenix, and honestly I got more joy out of watching that than seeing Brady lose. I usually like watching the Arizona tournaments simply because of the crowd. For some reason the crowd in the tournaments there are always pretty drunk and rawkus as far as golf standards go. I’d even go as far to say the Happy Gilmore crowds were based on these same Arizona crowds. Even a golf fan like myself can get bored with the sport, especially on TV, so tournaments that the crowd is more into helps pique my interest level.

Collapses are as mesmerizing as comebacks, and in two weeks Kyle Stanley gave us both. It was eerily similar the way this Sunday ended the same as last weeks’ tournament in Southern California at Torrey Pines ended, with Kyle Stanley crying. This time it was much different than last week though. At Torrey Pines, Stanley was crying because he quadruple bogeyed the par-5 18th hole when he had a four stroke lead heading to the final tee box. He completely choked by spinning one in the hazard and missing a 4-foot putt that looked like a sure make. Of course they showed the Jean Van De Velde collapse a few times, and the final result was a playoff to crown the tourney winner. A disheartened Stanley ended up losing the playoff and the tournament to Brandt Snedeker.

This weekend in a miraculous reversal of fortunes, he capitalized on the meltdown of another first time 54-hole leader, Spencer Levin. Since golf is such a mental game, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone collapse the weekend before only to come back and shoot a 6 under to take the next tournament. I can’t remember exactly which hole it was, but around the 13th hole in the midst of a Levin double bogey, Stanley holed two birdies on two straight holes to took the lead for the first time in the tournament never to relinquish it. Sure, it wasn’t a major or anything where the best of the best are in the field, but it was a testament to Stanley as a man, and was easily the best comeback story of Super Sunday, unless you care about the Giants I guess. His tear filled interview says it all. We spell redemption K-Y-L-E.


Doin Super Bowl Prop Lines

Chappy: The Championship games never go the way I predict they will, and shockingly this year was no different. Maybe I just root for the wrong teams. Aside from New Orleans winning it all, I haven’t really had a rooting interest the Super Bowl over the last six years. This year is no exception to the rule. I guess when I put some money down, I’ll have a rooting interest, but at the moment I’m pretty even keel. Instead of actually picking the game we decided to pick the props since I’m sure everyone knows just about everything they need to know to make their picks on the big game.

Championship Week: Chappy (1-1), By (1-1)

Playoffs: Chappy (4-6), By (5-5)

Regular Season: Chap (50-35-4) By (27-20)

Will the coin toss be heads or tails? (PK)

Chappy picks tails never fails! 

By picks tails, because it’s been scientifically proven to never fail ~

Will the team that wins the coin toss win the game? (PK)

Chappy picks yes. Obviously if you win the coin toss, luck and momentum is on your side for the rest of the game. I’m not even sure why they play the rest of the game when it’s usually decided in the coin toss. I guess they want to make those millions of dollars on commercials.

By says no.  The trend lately is to “defer” the opening kickoff when winning the coin toss.  Also known as deferring the win.

Longest TD scored over/under 49 1/2 yards? 

Chappy picks over 49 1/2 yards. Not sure I think the Patriots will win me this prop, since they dink and dunk their way down the field, but the Giants always seem to have a long TD or two during their games, so I think one will be over 50 yards.

By picks over 49 1/2 yards.  When you have guys like Victor Cruz and Wes Welker, this is a no brainer!

How many times will David Tyree’s catch be shown during the game? O/U 1

Chappy picks Over 1. I’m actually surprised this isn’t higher than 1. If anyone makes a miracle catch during the game doesn’t it feel like they’ll show this play, and they’re going to HAVE to show it sometime in the pregame/intro.

By picks over 1.  Seriously?  The o/u on this is 1?

What color will Madonna’s hair be? (Blonde -400, Any other color +250)

Chappy picks AOC. Who really wants to bet on something that doesn’t win you much more than the vig!?! One clarification I’d like on this prop though is what if she has streaks of another color in her blonde hair, does that count?

By picks blonde.  Madonna is 73 years old, and blonde makes her look 67 years old as oppose to any other color which makes her look 2,142 years old.

Will Michaels or Collinsworth say “Tebow” in the first quarter? (Yes +130, No -160)

Chappy picks yes. Don’t they have to recap how the Patriots got to the Super Bowl including them beating the Denver Tebows? There’s noway they don’t mention Tebow at least once. I can’t believe that “No” is the favorite in this one.

By says yes.  They might even say “Tebow” in a sentence like this, “We will try not to mention Tebow tonight.”

How many aircrafts in the flyover during the National Anthem? (1-4 -260, 5+ +180) 

Chappy picks 5+. I don’t understand why they still do the fly over when it’s in a dome, but I have to think they go big and waste some extra jet fuel for this meaningless fly over that the fans can’t even see.

By picks 1-4.  The country is in a recession and doesn’t want to see excessive amounts of jets being flown over a stadium.

Who will Obama pick to win the game? (NY -105, NE -105)
Chappy picks New York. Obviously there’s more voters in NY than NE. Gotta keep the masses happy. Either that or he declares the city of Indianapolis the winner for being a gracious host.
By says New England.  It was rumored that he’s a Justin Bieber fan.

First team to call a timeout? (PK) 

Chappy picks New England. They will have to challenge a highly questionable incompletion/tuck by Eli and end up losing their first time out.

By New England.  Bill Belichick will call one after the first minute of the game to make sure his team is prepared to execute sitting and listening to the coaches during the half time show.  All that practice will pay off.

Which Manning will be showed first? (Peyton -160, Archie PK) 

Chappy picks Archie. I’m going for the upset. We know they’ll show both eventually, but what if they are boIt's me, Uncle Danny.th sitting together? Do I get my money back? If Peyton’s neck was on this prop, I’d be all over it!

By picks Danny!?  In a surprise twist, the network will show long lost uncle, Danny Manning.

What will be higher on Feb. 5th Eli Manning completions or Lebron James points? 

Chappy picks Eli. Lebron decided long ago that he doesn’t like showing up in championship weekends.

By picks Eli.  Eli plays 4 quarters, a full one extra than LeBron in which to complete more passes.


This Season Has to be Better…

I mutter the “this can’t be worse than last season” phrase for a lot of my teams too many times to count. I’m also hoping that Eastbound and Down is better than last season was. Based solely on the trailer, I’m thinking it will. It felt like they were a little lost with what to do with Kenny in Mexico even though there were some funny parts, it just didn’t have the same feel as season one. Now that he’s back in the US and on top of his game, this season hopefully the show will regain the humor that drew me to it in the first place. One thing I never understood about this series is why they only have 7 or 8 episode per season, and took a year off for the hell of it. This is supposedly the last season of the show, so hopefully they give us at least 10 episodes before Kenny falls into obscurity…